Happy Birthday to me?

 

This is me and a few guildies. I'm Fortessima, the back row second from the right.
we went and did this after my first fight in the Karazahn instance
The other people I had with me, all guildies 

Khroll
Cinammonbunz
Shirak
Calliah
Regiswife
Kyless

 

I love my baby girl,
I almost dont want her to grow up.....

 

I think I'm in labor

 I just watched a water birth on youtube... and it made me cry,

Birth has to be the most beautiful thing in the world to witness....




I'm going to go cry all over my husband now

 

Okay... so I dont know how to spell that word. I'm a silly music person.

For those who dont know, stream of concense is a form of writing where you put down on paper (or in the computer) whatever your thoughts are at that time. You keep going and going and going until you run out of things to move from your mind through your fingers into a media to be shared (or not) with anyone who so choses to read it.

This is mine.

Things have been so absolutely freaking crazy lately. Baby's due at the end of the month, but we're hoping she comes before Christmas... what a gift! We have a lot of things and for the most  part we're ready for her to be here but there are still so many things that we dont have yet. *sigh* I'm so anxious for her to be here. I want to hold her and smile at her and love on her. We had a false alarm this past Sunday. I was so sure my water had broke, but turns out it was just a ton of cervical mucus... .gross right? *shudder* So after that I was so sad and dissapointed. I can hardly wait any longer. That and my body doesnt seem to like pregnancy very much anymore.... ugh it sucks. I feel like a whale, I can hardly breathe, I cant walk properly without being in pain, I cant bend over, my hands and ankles swell to the point where it starts to hurt, I cant wear my wedding rings on my finger (and I"m definatly sick of looking at them around my neck), I'm definatly sick of people acting like I"m cripple and cant do anything for myself, and that's just the tip of the iceburg! *sigh*

Jeramie's company Christmas party was Saturday night.... it wasnt much fun, but I looked amazing... sadly I dont have any pictures because I was dumb enough to pack away my digital camera for the hospital trip. I met a few of Jeramie's co-workers... some of them didnt look a thing like I had expected them to... it was cool though, I met Tonia (pronounced Ton-ee) and RIck, saw the boss Pete.... and met a whole slew of other people.  Plus people in the bathroom who decided to talk to me about their pregnancies and when they went into labor and blah blah blah.... total and complete strangers. How irritating do you think that was??? INSANELY.

My great-great-Uncle Smitty died very early Sunday morning. I found out yesterday. Thankfully Jeramie was able to come home from work and stay with me for the day so that I wasnt alone. The funeral is tomorrow morning in Shawano. I'm just glad Uncle Smitty's not in pain anymore.... it was hard to see him helpless and barely alive in that hospital bed. I cant imagine how hard it was for Aunt Vonne. Jeramie might be coming with me to the funeral tomorrow, but we dont know yet. The company wont give him that day off because it's not either of our grandparents, he's my great-great-uncle. So Jer would have to take vacation time or something. I hope that he can come with me.. I'd rather not go alone. 

My great-grandmother called me this morning and tried to tell me not to come out to the funeral tomorrow. This angers me... she said that it's supposed to snow tomorrow and that I shouldnt be driving out there.... *rolls eyes* she ROYALLY pissed me offf with this. SHe doesnt know a damned thing about me does she? I'm stubborn, I made up my mind, i'm going to be there. Unless I go into labor tonight or tomorrow morning I'll be in Shawano for my uncle's funeral. This goes back to the whole I'm pregnant not cripple thing.

Caleb has been finding his way into my thoughts lately. It pisses me off. I've been hearing a lot of songs that remind me of him... and I dont like it. The other night I had a dream that he became an astronaut and came to me and told me he loved me. Bizzare. I think this is my body dealling with the fact that a major change is about to happen. Just as long as he doesnt show up telling me that he still loves me after this last year and a half I'm sure I'll be fine.

That's it for now.... will add more later

I saw my uncle today....

He's only got a short time left on this earth. 

I can't handle all of this anymore 

 you've picked this fight....



and now you're going to lose

 This morning while laying in bed, a thought occurred to me. Once again I won't be having Thanksgiving with my family. This means I miss out on one tradition I love the most..... after finishing our food my little sister would always say "Ok, now we go around the table and say what we're thankful for!" Always cheesey, but it always got me thinking.

I heard her ask me in a dream "Dezzie... what are you thankful for?"

I had to write it down somewhere. Here seems to be a nice place :)

So after quite a bit of thinking about the last year, here's what I came up with.

What I am thankful for.
-My family, who has supported me through all the craziness of this last year.

-My daddy, who was there to wipe away any tear or doubt I had and always ready with a hug and an "I love you" no matter what I had done.

-My mommy, who has given me mounds of useful advice on everything you can imagine, and always there to let me know she'll always love me no matter what.

-My brother, who seems to always know how to make me laugh... even when I'm ready to bawl my eyes out.

-My sister, who's friendship is irraplaceable, I know I can confide in her and trust her with anything.

-God and Jesus, for every blessing they've poured out upon me in my life time (if I tried to write that all out I'd have to write 10 books about the last 5 years!)

-Uncle Scotty and Aunt Aimee, who always seem to open there arms to welcome me, even in the worst situation. Especially when I say something, and my uncle actually understands what I mean.

-Grandma Bobbie, if it werent for her, none of my family would be where we are now. She's always been there for us, took care of us when we couldnt take care of ourselves. I'll always be thankful for her love, hug, and smiles.

-My great-grandparents. From the phone calls to the hugs... all the way down to Grandpa wanting to play cards all the time, life just wouldnt be the same without the occasional game of Canadian Canasta filled with black 3's.

-My friend Rachael. I dont know how she does what she does. But wow. She's an amazing friend, she's been there for me soooo much this last year. I dont know how I could ever thank her enough. From the day I found out I was pregnant, to the day I got married. She's been there doing what she could to help me keep my cool. She reassures me when I'm freaked, and always happy for me (even if I'm not happy for me).

-I'm thankful for the fact that I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tummy, and a warm bed to sleep in.

-I'm thankful for the OB doctor that I've been working with throughout my pregnancy, he's been a constant help and reassurance that everything is going smoothly.

-I'm thankful for Rogue Traders and the people there. If it werent for them I'd be going crazy at home... and probably wouldnt be feeling as good as I have been. The people definatly make my day quite a bit brighter.

-My cellphone, and my computer. They're the main way I stay in touch with those I care about. I'd go crazy if I couldnt email my mom, or call my dad.

-This baby that I get to have at the end of December. She's everything I've ever dreamed of, everything I've ever wanted. I just hope that I can be as good a mom to her as my mom was/is to me.

-My husband. Throughout this last year we've been through sooooo much. So many happy and sad times, good and bad news. He's been my rock, he's so strong, he takes care of me when I dont feel well or things just dont seem to be going right. There's a million things about him that I'm thankful for... mostly I'm thankful he loves me the way he does. My husband means more to me than I could ever say.

This isnt a complete list, just the most important things on it. (and I'm sure you dont want to read that much more)

I encourage everyone who reads this, to stop and take a few minutes and really think on this last year. What are you thankful for? Why are you thankful for it? And share it with those you love, and encourage them to do the same thing.

 

So There's a few pics I wanna post!.